TIPS REPORT 23: HOW WORKING WITH A COACH CAN HELP YOU

 This report includes nine powerful tips and three actionable steps you can take right away. It also includes a list of suggested readings for those who are looking for even more information.

This article is from a Series of 52 tips Report on the subject of self improvement. If you want to receive a file with all 52 Reports at once, you can subscribe to my e-mail list.

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Have you ever thought about working with a coach before? If you are serious about achieving your biggest goals, you should seriously consider it. Working with a coach is a great way to boost your results in almost any area of life. Having someone to teach you the ropes, or build more accountability into your life, is a wonderful way to ensure you achieve more. If you are wondering if working with a coach could help you, please consider these nine benefits.

 

1. Helps You Define Your Goals

Many of us have goals, but often they are loosely (or not at all) defined. A coach can help take the hopes and dreams out of your head to create concrete goals. Instead of just wanting something, you start taking real steps towards it.

 

2. Adds More Accountability to Your Life

It's funny, but we have a much easier time letting ourselves down than we do letting others down. Having a coach means one more person in your life you don't want to let down. You will feel more accountable and be more likely to achieve your goals when you know someone will ask you about your progress.

 

3. Encourages You to Define Your Values

Do you know what you stand for? Maybe a better question is, do you know your core values? Regardless of the question, if you struggle with the answer, then a coach can help you. A coach can't tell you your values, but they can ask you questions that will help you define them yourself.

 

4. Helps You See Yourself More Clearly

A good coach will help you become more self-aware. This self-awareness will allow you to be more honest with yourself. You will know what you are good at and what you aren't so good at doing. Self-awareness allows you to double down on your strengths while figuring out how to deal with your weaknesses.

 

5. Assists Skill Building and Development

The most obvious benefit of a coach is their ability to help us build specific skills. For example, if you are interested in becoming a better business person, it makes sense to work with a business coach who has been there and done that. You get to learn from both their experiences and their mistakes.

 

6. Offers a Safe Space to Talk About Sensitive Issues

Whether you find the current world too sensitive or not, it's a fact that we need to watch the things we say. Having a coach gives you a safe space where you can talk about more sensitive issues. This doesn't mean you have a place to spout hate, but you can at least vent a bit more freely.

 

7. Encourages You To Step Out of Your Comfort Zone

The comfort zone got its name from being comfortable. Once you are in it, you don't want to get out. A good coach will coax and challenge you to step out of it. Stepping out of your comfort zone once in a while will make it easier to create positive change in your life.

 

8. Offers a Different Viewpoint

When you have a coach, you have someone else to bounce ideas off of. It is so easy to get caught up in your tunnel vision that you might not even consider differing opinions. A coach forces you to consider different viewpoints and opinions. This helps you become a more well-rounded individual.

 

9. Helps You Make Tough Decisions

Sometimes it feels like life is nothing but a series of difficult decisions. While this isn't always true, it has a basis in reality. How much would you like to have someone else to talk to about these decisions? A good coach provides that kind of assistance.

 

ACTIONABLE STEPS

 

a) Take some time to think about different areas of your life that could use a boost. Write these down in a list.

 

b) Carefully consider the list from the last step to figure out if a coach, mentor, or teacher could help you in any of these areas.

 

c) Choose the area of your life that could most use a coach, and start researching coaching options. If you find a fit right for you, take a chance and reach out.

 

FURTHER READING

 

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TIPS REPORT 22: LEARN ANYTHING FASTER

 This report includes nine powerful tips and three actionable steps you can take right away. It also includes a list of suggested readings for those who are looking for even more information.

This article is from a Series of 52 tips Report on the subject of self improvement. If you want to receive a file with all 52 Reports at once, you can subscribe to my e-mail list.

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One of the keys to a happier and more successful life is to commit to lifelong learning. There are few things we can do that are more helpful for our well-being than keeping our brains engaged with new pursuits. Some people find that the older they get, the tougher it is to learn new things. Other people don't have the patience to learn something new. If either of these sounds like you, check out these nine tips to help you learn anything faster.

 

1. Learn Like You Have to Teach Someone Else

Studies have shown that people who expect to teach something retain more knowledge and learn faster. The next time you try to learn something, approach it like you will have to teach it to someone else.

 

2. Say It Out Loud

One of the best ways to boost your memory is to say things out loud. Studies have shown this increases our ability to recall. When you are trying to remember something, instead of just reading it silently, try speaking it aloud as well.

 

3. Learn in Short Bursts of Time

When you are studying any subject - old or new - you should consider working in short bursts of time. Studies show that brief breaks help increase focus and allows you to pay more attention for a longer period. The Pomodoro Technique is a famous example of this phenomenon.

 

4. Get Enough Sleep

One of the worst things you can do when trying to learn something new is to forgo sleep. As much as you might want to pull an all-nighter to study a new topic, you are likely doing more harm than good. Harvard Medical has found that consolidated sleep throughout a whole night is optimal for learning and memory.

 

5. Get a Coach, Teacher, or Mentor

Finding someone to guide you is a great way to learn something faster. You get to learn from their experience while avoiding their mistakes. A mentor of some sort can guide you with hands-on advice, and they keep you accountable. The next time you want to learn something, think about learning from a professional.

 

6. Develop Effective Note-Taking Skills

Are you good at taking notes? Taking notes properly as you learn something will significantly boost your ability to retain the information. Also, studies have shown that handwriting your notes is more effective than using your computer ...as much as it might annoy you.

 

7. Change Up How You Practice

Practice makes perfect. The more you do something, the better you will get at it. This probably doesn't surprise you, though. What might surprise you is that regularly changing how you practice will help you learn faster. John Hopkins found that people who make subtle modifications during their practice routines learn new skills faster.

 

8. Stay Hydrated

This might seem like a weird tip, but staying hydrated while studying or learning a new skill will make a significant difference in your results. Researchers found that University students who had access to water scored 10% higher than their thirstier peers.

 

9. Distribute Your Study Sessions

How many times have you spent an entire night cramming for a test? Think back to your school days, and I am sure you will be reminded of many such nights. The thing is, these long cram sessions aren't the best way to learn. When you distribute your study sessions more evenly, you learn better. For example, three 1-hour study sessions during the week beat a night-before cram session every time.

 

ACTIONABLE STEPS

 

a) It's time to realize the power of lifelong learning. Choose a subject or skill you would like to learn.

 

b) Search for guidance. Find a teacher, mentor, or even a knowledgeable friend who may be able to help speed up the learning process.

 

c) Regardless of finding coaching or not, schedule short bursts of time to work on your new skill a few times a week.

 

FURTHER READING

 

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TIPS REPORT 21: ACCEPTING BLAME WHEN YOU DESERVE IT

This report includes nine powerful tips and three actionable steps you can take right away. It also includes a list of suggested reading for those who are looking for even more information.

This article is from a Series of 52 tips Report on the subject of self improvement. If you want to receive a file with all 52 Reports at once, you can subscribe to my e-mail list.

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One of the hallmarks of an emotionally mature person is their ability to accept blame when they deserve it. These people don't instantly apologize for every perceived transgression, but they accept responsibility when they know they did wrong. When they make mistakes, they own them and learn from them. If they wrong someone, they apologize and offer a solution. If you struggle to accept blame when you deserve it and you want to change, here are nine steps that can get you started.

 

1. Recognize The Mistake You Made

You can't possibly begin to accept blame until you recognize you did something wrong. Take some time to consider how your actions affected yourself and the people around you. Carefully consider what you did, and try to think of ways to avoid making the same mistake in the future.

 

2. Stop Hesitating

Once you know you have made a mistake, it is time to own up to it. It makes sense to reflect on your actions first, but it is important to address the situation in a timely fashion once that is done. The longer you wait, the more awkward things will get, and the less gracious your acceptance will seem.

 

3. Address The Aggrieved Party Directly

If someone else is negatively affected by your actions or mistakes, you need to address them directly. Don't pass on a message through someone else. You don't want to post a cryptic message on social media, either. If you wronged someone, at the very least, you owe them a direct response.

 

4. Don't Beat Around The Bush

When it's time to accept blame, make sure you don't waste a bunch of time skirting around the issue. People usually do this because they are nervous or trying to seem less responsible for the issue. It comes off as weak and sneaky, though. Directly identify what you did and why you are taking the blame.

 

5. Don't Try to Shift The Blame

If you know you messed up, you need to accept the blame fully. This means you don't try to blame other people or circumstances for your actions. No matter what outside influences may have contributed to your actions, take the blame without trying to pass the buck.

 

6. Offer a Sincere Apology Or Explanation

If your mistake hurt someone else, you should prepare to offer a sincere apology or explanation. Remember, you shouldn't use an apology or explanation to shift blame. The apology should be heartfelt and thoughtful. An explanation should only be offered if requested.

 

7. Volunteer to Help Solve The Problem

Once you have accepted the blame, you should offer some sort of solution. If you can't think of a specific solution, then offer to help find one. The last thing you want to do is wait until someone asks you for a solution. Take the initiative and offer recompense.

 

8. Accept The Consequences Graciously

Some things are out of your control. If you wronged someone close to you, you risk damaging the relationship. If you made a mistake with your finances, you might cost yourself money. Whatever action you have to take the blame for, there will likely be consequences you can't control. Accept these consequences, and make a plan to move on.

 

9. Reflect on Your Actions

Once you have properly taken responsibility and accepted the consequences, take some time to reflect on the situation. Try to pinpoint a couple of lessons you have learned and think about how you can avoid similar situations in the future. Finally, forgive yourself and move on.

 

ACTIONABLE STEPS

 

a) Think about any recent mistakes, arguments, or misunderstandings you have had recently.

 

b) Were you to blame for any of them? It can be tough to admit blame, so you will have to think carefully and thoughtfully about this.

 

c) If you do need to take the blame, own it. Address the situation and accept blame as soon as possible.

 

FURTHER READING

 

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TIPS REPORT 20: WARNING SIGNS OF GASLIGHTING

 This report includes nine powerful tips and three actionable steps you can take right away. It also includes a list of suggested reading for those who are looking for even more information. 

This article is from a Series of 52 tips Report on the subject of self improvement. If you want to receive a file with all 52 Reports at once, you can subscribe to my e-mail list.

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The term gaslighting has existed for decades now, but its usage seems to have spiked in recent years. Gaslighting is when someone makes someone else question their sanity, perception, or memories. It seems like people finally realize how serious and manipulative the behavior is. One of the most nefarious aspects of gaslighting is that it often happens so gradually, the victim doesn't even notice. That's why you need to watch out for these nine warning signs.

 

1. Blatant Lying

One of the clearest warning signs of gaslighting is when someone regularly lies to you. Not just any lies, though, blatantly untrue lies that are easily disproved. When people do this to you, their goal is to get you to doubt your recollections or sense of reality.

 

2. Focus on Your Insecurities

A gas-lighter finds it easier to manipulate their victims when they are already beaten down. If anyone in your life regularly pokes fun or attacks your insecurities, they may be attempting to lower your confidence, so it's easier to manipulate you.

 

3. Denying Things They Said

If anyone in your life routinely denies saying things you know they said, then they are likely gaslighting you. Sometimes, people forget what they said, but it's a warning sign if it happens all the time. It's a huge red stop sign if the person refuses to acknowledge what they said, even when you have the receipts (i.e., a screenshot of a text.)

 

4. Constant Negativity

When someone is constantly negative, it might just be their attitude or dealing with something in their life. If that person is continually trying to get you to feel the same way or urging you to think negatively about every situation, they may be trying to manipulate you.

 

5. They Always Flip The Blame

Have you ever had anyone in your life who flipped the blame every time they did something wrong? Instead of taking responsibility or offering you an explanation, they will try and convince you that you are to blame. If you didn't do X, they wouldn't have done Y.

 

6. Constantly Correcting Your Recollections

If someone in your life is constantly correcting your recollection of events, they may be trying to gaslight you. By chipping away at your recollections, they are laying the foundation for you to doubt all of your memories. Once you start doubting your memories, the gas-lighter gains control.

 

7. They Call You "Crazy"

This is one of the most classic warning signs of gaslighting. You have likely heard the term described as "someone trying to make you feel crazy" First off, crazy shouldn't be casually tossed around as an insult, period. Secondly, a gas-lighter gains so much control if they can get you to doubt your sanity.

 

8. They Trivialize Your Feelings

If someone is attempting (or actively) gaslighting you, they will always trivialize your feelings. To them, no matter how you feel, you should "suck it up." Your feelings aren't real, and you should control them. They will always make sure their feelings take precedence over yours.

 

9. Want to Keep You Isolated

A gas-lighter will typically want to keep you isolated. They will do this by actively trying to turn you against friends or family. They may also make you feel guilty for not spending all your time with them. It is much easier to control and manipulate someone if they feel like they have no one else to turn to.

 

ACTIONABLE STEPS

 

a) Take some time to read through the above warning signs again. Take time to consider each warning sign closely.

 

b) On this second read-through, make a note of anyone that might exhibit that behavior towards you.

 

c) If any person ticked off more than a couple of warning signs, they might be gaslighting you. Please consider confiding in a close friend to see what they think.

 

FURTHER READING

 

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TIPS REPORT 19: SIGNS YOU COMPLAIN TOO MUCH

This report includes nine powerful tips and three actionable steps you can take right away. It also includes a list of suggested reading for those who are looking for even more information. 

This article is from a Series of 52 tips Report on the subject of self improvement. If you want to receive a file with all 52 Reports at once, you can subscribe to my e-mail list.

TOP TIPS

I get it. I really do. There is a lot to complain about in our lives. And yeah, it can be really helpful just to let it rip and vent to a good friend or colleague. There is such thing as "too much," though. If you are consistently negative and always complaining, people will tune you out, or worse yet - avoid you. If you want to avoid being labeled a serial complainer, check out these nine signs you complain too much.

 

1. You Tend to Be Negative in General

One of the biggest signs that you complain too much is that you are negative in general. If you are one of those who wallow in negativity and struggle to see the positive sides of things, you almost surely bring this attitude into your conversations.

 

2. You'd Rather Rant About Problems Than Solve Them

When you talk about the problems in your life, do you tend to discuss solutions to solve them? If not, you may complain too much. Discussing your problems is perfectly natural and even therapeutic, but if you never talk about solving these problems, you are just complaining.

 

3. You Claim You Are Just Realistic

Do you find yourself constantly reassuring people you aren't negative, you are just realistic? If so, you assuredly complain too much. If you were just realistic, you would have a mix of negative and positive comments and wouldn't have to defend yourself.

 

4. People Tell You That You Complain Too Much

This is one of the clearest signs that you are a chronic complainer. If people feel like they need to tell you that you complain too much, you complain too much. It isn't easy to tell a loved one or colleague that they complain too much. If multiple people are telling you, rest assured many other people feel the same way.

 

5. You Are Too Hard On Yourself

People who are way too tough on themselves are likely complainers as well. If you are constantly complaining about yourself in your head, that likely transfers into your conversations. People who are too hard on themselves often expect more from other people, and when those expectations aren't met, they turn to complaining.

 

6. You Dwell on the Past

Are you the type of person who is always dwelling on the past? If so, you might also complain too much. People who dwell on the past too much often talk about it too much as well. If you can't shake the past, make sure you aren't the type of person who always complains about it.

 

7. You Notice People Avoid You

Have you noticed that people are slower to respond to your messages or are less likely to make plans these days? That could be for many reasons, but it could also be a sign that you complain too much. While most friends are more than willing to hear you vent, they may tire of it if you don't talk about anything else but your complaints.

 

8. You Spend a Lot of Time With Complainers

Do you find that most of your social circle complains a lot? Like-minded people tend to find each other. If constant complainers surround you, then you are likely a complainer yourself.

 

9. You Focus on The Obstacles in Your Life

Are you the type of person that focuses on all of the obstacles and barriers in your life? Do you say things like "I could do this if it weren't for..." or "I'd be happy if I didn't have..." If so, there is a good chance you are a complainer. People who focus on the obstacles in their life tend to also complain about them.

 

ACTIONABLE STEPS

 

 

a) Check-in with yourself. Do an honest assessment and ask yourself if you might complain too much.

 

b) Check-in with a loved one. It can be hard to be honest with yourself, so asked a loved one if they think you complain too much.

 

c) Can you address the complaints? Take one single step towards dealing with whatever you complain about the most.

 

FURTHER READING

 

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TIPS REPORT 18: LIVE LIFE MORE STRATEGICALLY

 This report includes nine powerful tips and three actionable steps you can take right away. It also includes a list of suggested reading for those who are looking for even more information.

This article is from a Series of 52 tips Report on the subject of self improvement. If you want to receive a file with all 52 Reports at once, you can subscribe to my e-mail list.

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When you think of strategic planning, you probably picture a room full of executives in a large corporate meeting room. While that may be valid, we can invite that same kind of strategy into our own lives. Those corporate suits are simply devising a plan to accomplish their goals. Doesn't that sound like something that could help you right now? If you feel disappointed with your life results, consider these nine ways to live life more strategically.

 

1. Do You Have a Plan?

What do you want out of life? Do you have a life plan? If you don't have a plan or mission in life, it will be hard to live strategically. It might not feel spontaneous to plan out your entire life, but having an overall plan will ensure you are working towards the life you want. Plus, life is so unpredictable, there will be plenty of excitement!

 

2. Set Specific Goals

Having an overall life plan or mission was a great start, but you also need to get specific. Set some specific goals you want to achieve. Focus your goals on both the long and short term. Remember, specificity is important. "I want to retire early" isn't a goal. It's a dream. A goal is: "I want to retire when I am 55, with X amount of dollars saved."

 

3. Ask Yourself Tough Questions

Strategic living means you need to get real with yourself. You need to ask yourself the tough questions like "Do I have the skills to achieve my goals/" "Am I wasting my time?" "Am I on the right track?" Be honest with yourself, and then figure out strategic ways to address your weaknesses or failings.

 

4. Observe Trends

'Trendy" is often used as a bad word, but why? Observing trends (both your own and the world around you) is a powerful tool for those who want to live more strategically. A quick example - many of us are saving for the future. How much better off would we have been had we observed and reacted to the cryptocurrency trend?

 

5. Track Any and Everything

Strategic people track as much info as they can. After all, the more data and information you have, the more informed your decisions will be. A quick way to get started is to track your wins or successes. You might spot a pattern that makes future success even easier. Other things to track include your time, emotions, etc...

 

6. Reflect and Adjust

While there is something admirable about those who put their blinders on and run head-on towards their goals, this isn't always the most strategic choice. You need to make (i.e., schedule it!) time for reflection. What is working? What isn't working? Adjust your goals to reflect this information.

 

7. Are You Taking Care of Yourself?

Strategic living isn't just about your career or finances. You want to make smart decisions about every area of your life. A big part of strategic living is making sure you take care of your own needs. How can you reach your life's goals if you aren't healthy or managing your stress?

 

8. Communicate Your Life Plan With Loved Ones

You don't have to go around shouting your life's plans to everyone, but it is helpful to let the people closest to you know. This way, people will know what you are working towards, and they can make sure they aren't working against that. It also builds accountability and creates a support system you can lean on when needed.

 

9. Never Stop Learning

A big part of being strategic is recognizing your weaknesses or lack of knowledge and then addressing them. A wonderful way to do this is to commit to lifelong learning. This not only keeps you sharp but also keeps your skills and knowledge up to date. You will find reaching your goals more attainable when you never stop learning.

 

ACTIONABLE STEPS

 

a) Reflect on what you want out of life. Think about what your ideal life would look and feel like.

 

b) Create a life mission statement. While it might be hard to encapsulate what you want in life into a single paragraph, it's a powerful exercise to do so.

 

c) Your first step. What is the first step you can take towards this new life? Focus on something simple and easy you can do at this moment (a good first step is further planning.)

 

FURTHER READING

 

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TIPS REPORT 17: NINE WAYS TO RUIN AN APOLOGY

 

This report includes nine powerful tips and three actionable steps you can take right away. It also includes a list of suggested reading for those who are looking for even more information. 

This article is from a Series of 52 tips Report on the subject of self improvement. If you want to receive a file with all 52 Reports at once, you can subscribe to my e-mail list.

TOP TIPS

You can call it cancel culture run amok, or you can call it people being held accountable for their actions. Either way, there is no doubt we live in the era of the apology. With so many "heartfelt" apologies offered daily, you'd think you could learn a lot about how to craft a good sincere one. Not really, though... What we have learned is how easy it is to ruin an apology. If you feel the need to offer someone a sincere apology, here are nine things you should certainly avoid:

 

1. "I'm sorry you feel that way"

This isn't even an apology when you think about it. You aren't apologizing for anything that you have done. You are putting the onus on the other person. This kind of apology makes it seem like the other person did something wrong. There is no accountability here.

 

2. 'I'm sorry, but..."

Any apology that includes a "but" is pretty much worthless. No matter what you said before it, once you add the "but, "your apology becomes less about acknowledging you did something wrong and more about pointing fingers to justify your actions.

 

3. "I apologized; let's just drop it"

While giving an apology is great, it doesn't mean you can avoid a tough conversation about what happened. When you offer a sincere apology, you should be willing to talk about what you did wrong and why you won't do it again moving forward.

 

4. You are Too Vague

When you apologize, make sure you are specific about what you did. "I am sorry I hurt you" is fine on the surface, but it completely avoids addressing what you did specifically. You need to apologize for what you did, not the effect it had on the other party.

 

5. Expecting an Apology in Return

A sincere apology is given with no strings attached. Even if you don't feel like you were the only one wrong in a given situation, you shouldn't apologize and expect one in return. When you apologize, you should focus on your actions, not the actions of others.

 

6. Not Showing Remorse

You can say all the right things, but if you do it in a manner that clearly shows you don't care or have any remorse, then your words are worthless. If you are rolling your eyes, just going through the motions, or otherwise unbothered, your apology isn't worth much.

 

7. Insisting on Forgiveness

An apology is just the first step towards forgiveness. You can't apologize and expect forgiveness right after. Once you have apologized, you can hopefully move towards forgiveness, but it isn't for sure, and it isn't instantaneous.

 

8. You Refuse to Listen

An apology is as much about listening as it is talking. If you don't give the other person a chance to speak, then what is the point? Don't speak over the person, and when it's your turn to listen, do it actively and make sure you hear what they are saying.

 

9. You Repeat Your Transgression

There is no single worse way to ruin an apology than by making the same mistake again. Why apologize if you aren't going to change your actions? It instantly voids your apology, and you likely won't get another chance to apologize.

 

ACTIONABLE STEPS

 

a) Do some serious reflection and figure out if you owe anyone an apology. Write down who you owe an apology to and why you owe them one.

 

b) Draft a potential apology, making sure to avoid the mistakes we listed.

 

c) All that is left is to deliver your apology!

 

FURTHER READING

 

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