TIPS REPORT 20: WARNING SIGNS OF GASLIGHTING

 This report includes nine powerful tips and three actionable steps you can take right away. It also includes a list of suggested reading for those who are looking for even more information. 

This article is from a Series of 52 tips Report on the subject of self improvement. If you want to receive a file with all 52 Reports at once, you can subscribe to my e-mail list.

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The term gaslighting has existed for decades now, but its usage seems to have spiked in recent years. Gaslighting is when someone makes someone else question their sanity, perception, or memories. It seems like people finally realize how serious and manipulative the behavior is. One of the most nefarious aspects of gaslighting is that it often happens so gradually, the victim doesn't even notice. That's why you need to watch out for these nine warning signs.

 

1. Blatant Lying

One of the clearest warning signs of gaslighting is when someone regularly lies to you. Not just any lies, though, blatantly untrue lies that are easily disproved. When people do this to you, their goal is to get you to doubt your recollections or sense of reality.

 

2. Focus on Your Insecurities

A gas-lighter finds it easier to manipulate their victims when they are already beaten down. If anyone in your life regularly pokes fun or attacks your insecurities, they may be attempting to lower your confidence, so it's easier to manipulate you.

 

3. Denying Things They Said

If anyone in your life routinely denies saying things you know they said, then they are likely gaslighting you. Sometimes, people forget what they said, but it's a warning sign if it happens all the time. It's a huge red stop sign if the person refuses to acknowledge what they said, even when you have the receipts (i.e., a screenshot of a text.)

 

4. Constant Negativity

When someone is constantly negative, it might just be their attitude or dealing with something in their life. If that person is continually trying to get you to feel the same way or urging you to think negatively about every situation, they may be trying to manipulate you.

 

5. They Always Flip The Blame

Have you ever had anyone in your life who flipped the blame every time they did something wrong? Instead of taking responsibility or offering you an explanation, they will try and convince you that you are to blame. If you didn't do X, they wouldn't have done Y.

 

6. Constantly Correcting Your Recollections

If someone in your life is constantly correcting your recollection of events, they may be trying to gaslight you. By chipping away at your recollections, they are laying the foundation for you to doubt all of your memories. Once you start doubting your memories, the gas-lighter gains control.

 

7. They Call You "Crazy"

This is one of the most classic warning signs of gaslighting. You have likely heard the term described as "someone trying to make you feel crazy" First off, crazy shouldn't be casually tossed around as an insult, period. Secondly, a gas-lighter gains so much control if they can get you to doubt your sanity.

 

8. They Trivialize Your Feelings

If someone is attempting (or actively) gaslighting you, they will always trivialize your feelings. To them, no matter how you feel, you should "suck it up." Your feelings aren't real, and you should control them. They will always make sure their feelings take precedence over yours.

 

9. Want to Keep You Isolated

A gas-lighter will typically want to keep you isolated. They will do this by actively trying to turn you against friends or family. They may also make you feel guilty for not spending all your time with them. It is much easier to control and manipulate someone if they feel like they have no one else to turn to.

 

ACTIONABLE STEPS

 

a) Take some time to read through the above warning signs again. Take time to consider each warning sign closely.

 

b) On this second read-through, make a note of anyone that might exhibit that behavior towards you.

 

c) If any person ticked off more than a couple of warning signs, they might be gaslighting you. Please consider confiding in a close friend to see what they think.

 

FURTHER READING

 

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TIPS REPORT 19: SIGNS YOU COMPLAIN TOO MUCH

This report includes nine powerful tips and three actionable steps you can take right away. It also includes a list of suggested reading for those who are looking for even more information. 

This article is from a Series of 52 tips Report on the subject of self improvement. If you want to receive a file with all 52 Reports at once, you can subscribe to my e-mail list.

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I get it. I really do. There is a lot to complain about in our lives. And yeah, it can be really helpful just to let it rip and vent to a good friend or colleague. There is such thing as "too much," though. If you are consistently negative and always complaining, people will tune you out, or worse yet - avoid you. If you want to avoid being labeled a serial complainer, check out these nine signs you complain too much.

 

1. You Tend to Be Negative in General

One of the biggest signs that you complain too much is that you are negative in general. If you are one of those who wallow in negativity and struggle to see the positive sides of things, you almost surely bring this attitude into your conversations.

 

2. You'd Rather Rant About Problems Than Solve Them

When you talk about the problems in your life, do you tend to discuss solutions to solve them? If not, you may complain too much. Discussing your problems is perfectly natural and even therapeutic, but if you never talk about solving these problems, you are just complaining.

 

3. You Claim You Are Just Realistic

Do you find yourself constantly reassuring people you aren't negative, you are just realistic? If so, you assuredly complain too much. If you were just realistic, you would have a mix of negative and positive comments and wouldn't have to defend yourself.

 

4. People Tell You That You Complain Too Much

This is one of the clearest signs that you are a chronic complainer. If people feel like they need to tell you that you complain too much, you complain too much. It isn't easy to tell a loved one or colleague that they complain too much. If multiple people are telling you, rest assured many other people feel the same way.

 

5. You Are Too Hard On Yourself

People who are way too tough on themselves are likely complainers as well. If you are constantly complaining about yourself in your head, that likely transfers into your conversations. People who are too hard on themselves often expect more from other people, and when those expectations aren't met, they turn to complaining.

 

6. You Dwell on the Past

Are you the type of person who is always dwelling on the past? If so, you might also complain too much. People who dwell on the past too much often talk about it too much as well. If you can't shake the past, make sure you aren't the type of person who always complains about it.

 

7. You Notice People Avoid You

Have you noticed that people are slower to respond to your messages or are less likely to make plans these days? That could be for many reasons, but it could also be a sign that you complain too much. While most friends are more than willing to hear you vent, they may tire of it if you don't talk about anything else but your complaints.

 

8. You Spend a Lot of Time With Complainers

Do you find that most of your social circle complains a lot? Like-minded people tend to find each other. If constant complainers surround you, then you are likely a complainer yourself.

 

9. You Focus on The Obstacles in Your Life

Are you the type of person that focuses on all of the obstacles and barriers in your life? Do you say things like "I could do this if it weren't for..." or "I'd be happy if I didn't have..." If so, there is a good chance you are a complainer. People who focus on the obstacles in their life tend to also complain about them.

 

ACTIONABLE STEPS

 

 

a) Check-in with yourself. Do an honest assessment and ask yourself if you might complain too much.

 

b) Check-in with a loved one. It can be hard to be honest with yourself, so asked a loved one if they think you complain too much.

 

c) Can you address the complaints? Take one single step towards dealing with whatever you complain about the most.

 

FURTHER READING

 

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TIPS REPORT 18: LIVE LIFE MORE STRATEGICALLY

 This report includes nine powerful tips and three actionable steps you can take right away. It also includes a list of suggested reading for those who are looking for even more information.

This article is from a Series of 52 tips Report on the subject of self improvement. If you want to receive a file with all 52 Reports at once, you can subscribe to my e-mail list.

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When you think of strategic planning, you probably picture a room full of executives in a large corporate meeting room. While that may be valid, we can invite that same kind of strategy into our own lives. Those corporate suits are simply devising a plan to accomplish their goals. Doesn't that sound like something that could help you right now? If you feel disappointed with your life results, consider these nine ways to live life more strategically.

 

1. Do You Have a Plan?

What do you want out of life? Do you have a life plan? If you don't have a plan or mission in life, it will be hard to live strategically. It might not feel spontaneous to plan out your entire life, but having an overall plan will ensure you are working towards the life you want. Plus, life is so unpredictable, there will be plenty of excitement!

 

2. Set Specific Goals

Having an overall life plan or mission was a great start, but you also need to get specific. Set some specific goals you want to achieve. Focus your goals on both the long and short term. Remember, specificity is important. "I want to retire early" isn't a goal. It's a dream. A goal is: "I want to retire when I am 55, with X amount of dollars saved."

 

3. Ask Yourself Tough Questions

Strategic living means you need to get real with yourself. You need to ask yourself the tough questions like "Do I have the skills to achieve my goals/" "Am I wasting my time?" "Am I on the right track?" Be honest with yourself, and then figure out strategic ways to address your weaknesses or failings.

 

4. Observe Trends

'Trendy" is often used as a bad word, but why? Observing trends (both your own and the world around you) is a powerful tool for those who want to live more strategically. A quick example - many of us are saving for the future. How much better off would we have been had we observed and reacted to the cryptocurrency trend?

 

5. Track Any and Everything

Strategic people track as much info as they can. After all, the more data and information you have, the more informed your decisions will be. A quick way to get started is to track your wins or successes. You might spot a pattern that makes future success even easier. Other things to track include your time, emotions, etc...

 

6. Reflect and Adjust

While there is something admirable about those who put their blinders on and run head-on towards their goals, this isn't always the most strategic choice. You need to make (i.e., schedule it!) time for reflection. What is working? What isn't working? Adjust your goals to reflect this information.

 

7. Are You Taking Care of Yourself?

Strategic living isn't just about your career or finances. You want to make smart decisions about every area of your life. A big part of strategic living is making sure you take care of your own needs. How can you reach your life's goals if you aren't healthy or managing your stress?

 

8. Communicate Your Life Plan With Loved Ones

You don't have to go around shouting your life's plans to everyone, but it is helpful to let the people closest to you know. This way, people will know what you are working towards, and they can make sure they aren't working against that. It also builds accountability and creates a support system you can lean on when needed.

 

9. Never Stop Learning

A big part of being strategic is recognizing your weaknesses or lack of knowledge and then addressing them. A wonderful way to do this is to commit to lifelong learning. This not only keeps you sharp but also keeps your skills and knowledge up to date. You will find reaching your goals more attainable when you never stop learning.

 

ACTIONABLE STEPS

 

a) Reflect on what you want out of life. Think about what your ideal life would look and feel like.

 

b) Create a life mission statement. While it might be hard to encapsulate what you want in life into a single paragraph, it's a powerful exercise to do so.

 

c) Your first step. What is the first step you can take towards this new life? Focus on something simple and easy you can do at this moment (a good first step is further planning.)

 

FURTHER READING

 

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TIPS REPORT 17: NINE WAYS TO RUIN AN APOLOGY

 

This report includes nine powerful tips and three actionable steps you can take right away. It also includes a list of suggested reading for those who are looking for even more information. 

This article is from a Series of 52 tips Report on the subject of self improvement. If you want to receive a file with all 52 Reports at once, you can subscribe to my e-mail list.

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You can call it cancel culture run amok, or you can call it people being held accountable for their actions. Either way, there is no doubt we live in the era of the apology. With so many "heartfelt" apologies offered daily, you'd think you could learn a lot about how to craft a good sincere one. Not really, though... What we have learned is how easy it is to ruin an apology. If you feel the need to offer someone a sincere apology, here are nine things you should certainly avoid:

 

1. "I'm sorry you feel that way"

This isn't even an apology when you think about it. You aren't apologizing for anything that you have done. You are putting the onus on the other person. This kind of apology makes it seem like the other person did something wrong. There is no accountability here.

 

2. 'I'm sorry, but..."

Any apology that includes a "but" is pretty much worthless. No matter what you said before it, once you add the "but, "your apology becomes less about acknowledging you did something wrong and more about pointing fingers to justify your actions.

 

3. "I apologized; let's just drop it"

While giving an apology is great, it doesn't mean you can avoid a tough conversation about what happened. When you offer a sincere apology, you should be willing to talk about what you did wrong and why you won't do it again moving forward.

 

4. You are Too Vague

When you apologize, make sure you are specific about what you did. "I am sorry I hurt you" is fine on the surface, but it completely avoids addressing what you did specifically. You need to apologize for what you did, not the effect it had on the other party.

 

5. Expecting an Apology in Return

A sincere apology is given with no strings attached. Even if you don't feel like you were the only one wrong in a given situation, you shouldn't apologize and expect one in return. When you apologize, you should focus on your actions, not the actions of others.

 

6. Not Showing Remorse

You can say all the right things, but if you do it in a manner that clearly shows you don't care or have any remorse, then your words are worthless. If you are rolling your eyes, just going through the motions, or otherwise unbothered, your apology isn't worth much.

 

7. Insisting on Forgiveness

An apology is just the first step towards forgiveness. You can't apologize and expect forgiveness right after. Once you have apologized, you can hopefully move towards forgiveness, but it isn't for sure, and it isn't instantaneous.

 

8. You Refuse to Listen

An apology is as much about listening as it is talking. If you don't give the other person a chance to speak, then what is the point? Don't speak over the person, and when it's your turn to listen, do it actively and make sure you hear what they are saying.

 

9. You Repeat Your Transgression

There is no single worse way to ruin an apology than by making the same mistake again. Why apologize if you aren't going to change your actions? It instantly voids your apology, and you likely won't get another chance to apologize.

 

ACTIONABLE STEPS

 

a) Do some serious reflection and figure out if you owe anyone an apology. Write down who you owe an apology to and why you owe them one.

 

b) Draft a potential apology, making sure to avoid the mistakes we listed.

 

c) All that is left is to deliver your apology!

 

FURTHER READING

 

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TIPS REPORT 16: HOW TO BE LESS AWKWARD

 

This report includes nine powerful tips and three actionable steps you can take right away. It also includes a list of suggested reading for those who are looking for even more information.

This article is from a Series of 52 tips Report on the subject of self improvement. If you want to receive a file with all 52 Reports at once, you can subscribe to my e-mail list.

 

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Do you ever feel a little bit awkward? If so, don't worry - you are far from alone. Many people feel a bit socially awkward in certain situations. If you feel awkward now and then, it might be as simple as not picking up on social cues or misunderstanding body language. Whatever the reason, the following nine tips can help you address that awkward feeling once and for all.

 

1. Get Out of Your Head

This tip is easier said than done, but you need to get out of your head. If you are constantly worried about being awkward, you likely will be. If you find your mind is spiraling with worry and self-doubt, you will struggle in social situations. Try to center yourself, and engage in social situations with an open mind.

 

2. Learn More About Social Norms

A lot of awkwardness comes down to not knowing social norms. You might not have learned these social cues growing up, so it doesn't hurt to brush up on them. There is no shortage of information on the internet to help you learn more about societal norms and how to react to them.

 

3. Keep Your Phone Handy

Your phone can be your savior in awkward situations. For example, I hate elevator small-talk, so I make sure I am immersed in my phone when someone gets on. You don't want to be constantly on your phone in social situations, but feel free to use it if it will defuse an awkward situation.

 

4. Don't Show Up Late

Showing up on time or early to social engagements has two main benefits. First, it gives you time to get used to your surroundings. More importantly, when you show up late, all eyes will be on you, which will certainly exacerbate your awkwardness.

 

5. Put Yourself Out There

If you feel awkward in social situations, you aren't doing yourself any favors by avoiding them. You need to embrace social engagements as often as you feel comfortable doing so. The more you put yourself out there, the easier it will be to fit in.

 

6. Invite a Close Friend Out With You

Having a close friend with you is a great way to battle your awkwardness. This is especially true if you bring along one of your friends who is socially adept. You can learn from them by mirroring their behavior. Also, it's nice to have someone trusted you could turn to if things start getting a bit awkward.

 

7. Develop Your Confidence

This is another tip that is a bit easier said than done. However, there are ways you can build up your confidence, and you must do so. A lot of awkwardness is born from a lack of confidence. If you are more confident, you will feel more prepared and less awkward in social situations.

 

8. Ask More Questions

If you are in a conversation that seems to be lagging a bit and bordering on awkwardness, try to ask more questions. Focus on open-ended questions that keep the other person talking. You'll quickly learn that you can easily avoid awkwardness by giving certain people a chance to talk about themselves.

 

9. Worry Less About Others

A lot of our awkwardness is born out of worry about what others will think of us. We worry that they will think we are weird, stupid, or annoying if we say something. The reality is, most people aren't that interested in others, to begin with. Worrying about other people's opinions will do nothing but contribute to your awkwardness.

 

ACTIONABLE STEPS

 

a) Think of a couple of go-to stories. A great way to deal with awkwardness is to prepare in advance. Having a couple of interesting stories in your back pocket will help you feel better.

 

b) Do you have an event or social gathering coming up? Think of a friend that you could bring along to make things go a bit smoother.

 

c) Brush up on social norms, cues, or body language. A quick Google search should bring up thousands of free resources.

 

FURTHER READING

 

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