Marriage vs singleness
The Case for Marriage: Why Choosing to Marry Is Better Than Staying Single
Introduction
This is going to be a substantial article, but rest assured it will be an engaging and thought-provoking one. The reason behind writing this piece stems from my frequent interactions with students, whether it's during mealtime at the canteen, engaging in activities like English corner, or simply chatting. In these conversations, the topic of marriage often arises as we ask each other questions. They inquire about my life, and I explain that I've been divorced since 2014. In turn, I inquire about their perspectives on marriage and whether it's a part of their future plans. To my surprise, many young women express their disinterest in getting married or having children.
As an educator, and despite my own divorce experience, I still firmly believe that one of life's most enriching experiences is to marry, have children, and discover the love of your life. To me, love is a conscious decision we make, contrary to the belief held by many that it's something that just happens to you. I firmly hold that love is a decision we can make and honor. Those who think it merely happens to them are often the ones who fail to honor their commitment and offer excuses about "falling out of love."
Before I lose sight of the point I'm trying to convey, let me steer the focus back to why I'm writing this article. I want students to read this carefully and contemplate my arguments. Of course, they are free to make their own choices, but I believe that having an awareness of what these choices truly entail is vital.
Informed decisions often lead to better outcomes, and dismissing such a significant aspect of life, like marriage, merely because they may not have had the opportunity to discuss it or because no one has cared enough to engage in such a crucial conversation with their best interests at heart, seems like a missed opportunity I wanted to avoid.
Marriage has long been a cornerstone of society, offering individuals the opportunity to share their lives, joys, and sorrows with a partner. However, in recent times, the idea of getting married has faced criticism, particularly from younger generations who are wary of committing to a lifelong partnership. In this article, we will argue that choosing to marry is a decision that is worth considering, as it brings with it a range of benefits that can lead to a fulfilling and meaningful life. We will present four compelling arguments in favor of marriage, aiming to convince young people that it is a better option than staying single.
Argument 1: The Value of Commitment and Effort
Nobody claims that marriage is a walk in the park. However, like many things in life that are worth having, a successful marriage requires effort and dedication. The problem with contemporary society is that individuals have become increasingly self-centered, often neglecting the values and principles that can lead to a strong and enduring marriage. Commitment, communication, honesty, character, and respect are all essential ingredients for a healthy and happy marriage. By working on these values and actively nurturing the relationship, couples can build a strong foundation for their shared life together.
In a world where instant gratification is often prioritized, the effort put into a marriage can be highly rewarding. The sense of accomplishment that comes from overcoming challenges and growing together is unmatched. So, while marriage may require work, the rewards are well worth the investment.
Argument 2: The Human Need for Connection
Human beings are inherently social creatures. While independence and self-sufficiency may seem appealing during our younger years, the desire for connection and companionship becomes increasingly important as we age. As people transition out of the college phase and into adulthood, the support and companionship of a life partner can be immensely valuable.
The belief that you'll always be content on your own might be true for a while, but as time goes by, loneliness can set in. Choosing to marry can provide a strong support system, someone to share the ups and downs of life with, and a partner to grow old alongside. Waiting too long to find a partner can make it harder to form deep connections and can lead to regret.
Argument 3: Regret in Later Life
Studies on what people regret most in their later years consistently show that the top regrets are related to personal relationships and not monetary concerns. People often wish they had spent more time with loved ones, forgiven more easily, or nurtured deeper connections. Marriage offers an opportunity to build a meaningful and enduring relationship that can significantly reduce such regrets.
While financial success and individual accomplishments are important, they pale in comparison to the satisfaction and fulfillment that can be derived from a loving and supportive marriage. Marital experiences often become the bedrock of one's later life, leading to greater contentment and a sense of fulfillment.
Argument 4: Breaking the Cycle of Negative Examples
Many young people may have a negative view of marriage because they've witnessed flawed relationships among their parents, relatives, or friends. It's essential to remember that not all marriages are the same, and the examples one has witnessed may not accurately represent the potential for a fulfilling and harmonious partnership. By taking the time to learn from these examples and actively seeking to create a healthier, more positive marriage, you have the power to break the cycle and create a better future for yourself and your family.
Argument 5: Learning from Personal Experience
One compelling argument in favor of choosing marriage over staying single is the influence of personal experiences. Consider the story of an individual whose parents have celebrated over 50 years of marriage. Witnessing such a lasting and loving partnership can serve as a tremendous source of inspiration and belief in the possibility of a successful marriage. I can personally attest to the power of this example, as my own parents have been married for more than five decades, as demonstrated in the following picture taken during their 50th wedding anniversary celebration. Learning from their experiences has had a profound impact on my life, igniting a strong desire to replicate their achievement in my own journey. Regrettably, my own marriage ended in divorce.
However, it's essential to acknowledge that nothing in life, including marriage, comes with a 100% guarantee. As the old adage goes, "Where there is love, there is also the possibility of heartbreak." This fact becomes evident when an individual's marriage ends in divorce, even when they had the best intentions and put forth their best efforts to make it work. In such cases, no one can compel their partner to stay in the marriage, and in my case, I reluctantly signed the divorce papers. After all, I wanted my wife to stay because she chose to, not because she felt obligated.
Nonetheless, allowing fear of the possibility of divorce to deter one from entering into marriage is not a rational choice. Life is inherently uncertain and filled with risks. If we were to avoid every endeavor with the potential for failure or disappointment, we would end up paralyzed by fear, unable to experience the richness of life.
Consider this: Driving a car is something many people do daily, and it carries inherent risks. Yet, we don't stop driving because of these risks. We take precautions, adhere to rules, and learn to mitigate potential dangers. Similarly, in a marriage, it's possible to take steps to minimize the chances of failure and increase the likelihood of success.
Successful marriages require effort, communication, compromise, and understanding, just as safe driving involves adherence to rules, focus, and skill. Like any significant undertaking in life, there is no guarantee of success, but the potential rewards are often worth the risks involved.
Argument 6: Marrying at a Younger Age and Growing Together
In the modern era, there is a growing trend of postponing marriage in pursuit of financial stability, which may never materialize. Trust plays a pivotal role in these decisions, as individuals fear sacrificing for a partner who might later choose to end the marriage, leaving them with nothing. Consequently, the importance of financial matters in marriage has been elevated beyond what is necessary. My own experience, as witnessed through my parents, starkly contrasts with this prevailing trend.
When my father married my mother, he did not even possess a university degree. Yet, through determination and sacrifice, he graduated with a degree in business administration after marrying my mother. They supported each other, grew together, and achieved many material possessions after their marriage, not before it, as is common nowadays. The essence of my argument lies in the profound strength that can be forged in a relationship when couples are willing to make sacrifices for each other. Their love deepens, and their bonds strengthen as a result.
Contrastingly, when a woman marries a wealthy man primarily for financial gain and not love, the foundation of the relationship becomes shaky. If a divorce occurs, and she retains many of the material assets she did not work for, the man may understandably feel used.
In my own case, I did not possess significant wealth when I married my wife. At the ages of 25 and 19, we embarked on a journey where the intention was to grow together, both emotionally and financially, akin to my parents' experience. We made sacrifices for each other on multiple occasions. However, when my wife decided on a divorce, I found myself stripped of everything, left penniless. Fortunately, I still had a job to sustain myself. This situation led me to feel as though I had been used, and I imagine my wife might have experienced similar emotions if the roles were reversed.
At the time of our divorce, we were parents to two children, aged 9 and 7, which brings us to the next argument.
Argument 7: The Benefits of Two-Parent Households for Children
Statistics consistently demonstrate that a two-parent household, comprised of both a father and a mother, provides the most conducive environment for children to grow and receive an education that positions them for greater opportunities in life. While I won't delve deeply into the statistics, I encourage you to explore this research for yourself, as it overwhelmingly supports this viewpoint. It is essential to remember that children are innocent beings and should not be deprived of the opportunity to be raised by both of their parents.
This article is intended to advocate for the merits of marriage rather than to discuss the merits of avoiding divorce. With that in mind, let's continue.
Argument 8: Learning from Others
One of the most effective ways to avoid making mistakes in life is by learning from the experiences of others. This principle applies to various aspects of life, including the choices we make about marriage and relationships. Let's explore how some misconceptions and decisions related to marriage can be corrected through observing the experiences of others.
It's not uncommon for certain movements, such as feminism, to encourage women to postpone marriage or even abstain from it to prioritize their careers. Some women who have followed this advice may have achieved financial success, owning cars, and even their own companies. However, many of them find themselves single and unhappy. The reason for their single status isn't necessarily because they haven't changed their minds; it's often due to the increasing difficulty of finding a suitable partner as they grow older. Given the chance, many of them might choose a different path.
Men and women often have different priorities and criteria when searching for a prospective partner. Women tend to value responsibility and the ability to provide for a family, while men may prioritize youth and physical attractiveness. This is evident in the pattern where men "marry down" while women "marry up." For instance, a man with a university degree may marry a woman without one, but the opposite scenario a woman with university degree marring a man without a university degree is less common.
As women age, the pool of potential partners who meet their criteria for responsibility and financial stability tends to shrink, as men at the same age of her are looking for younger ones. A woman's desirability, in this context, may peak around the age of 22, on the other hand a men’s desirability peak around 35, this is where he have already graduated from university and it is well advanced in his careers pursue. It's important to recognize that these differing values between the sexes are natural and not inherently problematic. The issue arises when individuals lack values and are willing to trade their partners for someone younger or wealthier. Feeling like you're being treated as a disposable option can be emotionally distressing.
In such situations, it becomes essential to seek partners who share your values and prioritize a committed, lasting relationship. The process of dating should be approached with the intention of finding a compatible person with whom you can build a successful marriage. Unfortunately, contemporary dating often focuses on casual encounters rather than the search for a meaningful connection, and premarital sex can diminish the ability to bond with a future spouse.
Argument 9: The Opportunity of University Life
I want to clarify that I am not advocating that you should rush into marriage at any cost. However, the idea of ruling out the possibility of marriage without thoughtful consideration while studying at a university doesn't seem to make sense. I often convey to my students that their university years are perhaps the easiest and most opportune time in their lives to create valuable connections and friendships that can benefit them in the future, whether for personal relationships or job opportunities. This practice is commonly known as networking, and its applications extend beyond finding a job to include meeting potential partners and even future spouses.
I advise my students to take a good look around. In a university setting, nearly everyone is single, around the age of 20, and working towards a university degree—a significant achievement that can enhance their prospects in life. With thousands of students gathered in one place, it becomes an ideal environment for expanding their social networks. I pose a simple question to them: Where else in life will they ever encounter such an opportunity? The answer is most likely never. So why not utilize this unique chance to broaden their social circles and connections?
It's surprising to discover that a substantial number of students, in my conversations with them, admit to not making new friends beyond their roommates and classmates. I stress the point that they may be missing out on a wealth of opportunities and experiences by limiting their interactions to this extent.
Argument 10: The Influence of Jealousy and the Company of Misery
Jealousy and covetousness are not particularly pleasant emotions, but being human, we may experience them from time to time. When not managed carefully, these feelings can lead to negative behaviors. In many cases, individuals who don't have your best interests at heart may attempt to hinder your success out of pure jealousy. In the environment I come from, the saying "Misery loves company" is a well-known expression.
I bring up this point because content and happy individuals typically lead their lives without the need to flaunt their happiness. It is often individuals who are not content or fulfilled in their own lives who feel the urge to project a facade of happiness. This is especially common in the age of the internet, where many videos circulate featuring such individuals claiming that their life is wonderful as a single and lonely person. They list numerous advantages of such a lifestyle. However, it doesn't take a genius to discern that this stance contradicts human nature.
As the well-known saying goes, "No man is an island," which signifies that humans usually seek companionship and connection rather than choosing solitude as their source of happiness. On the other hand, you rarely see happily married people openly proclaiming their joy. As I mentioned at the beginning, content individuals typically don't feel the need to show off their happiness.
Conclusion
Marriage may not be a simple or risk-free choice, but it is a decision that can offer substantial rewards. By committing to building a strong foundation based on communication, honesty, character, and respect, you can overcome challenges and achieve a fulfilling and meaningful partnership. The human need for connection becomes increasingly apparent as one gets older, and waiting too long may lead to regret. Ultimately, as we reflect on our lives in later years, it's our relationships that often bring the most profound sense of fulfillment. So, for those who might be hesitant about marriage due to negative examples, remember that you have the power to create a better, more positive future. Marriage can be a path to lasting happiness and personal growth, making it a choice well worth considering.
Article by Marcelo Gameiro
Published 14 Oct 2023
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